35 weeks and counting
By Rebecca Dundore, Doula Educator – Intuitive Doula and Gentle Hands Doula Services
The countdown is starting. You have swollen feet, your back is stiff and you can’t sleep with this beach ball in your shirt one more night! Advice is probably washing over you till you’re numb and slightly paranoid all at once. As my mother used to say, “Wait till you cannot stand it one more minute…then it is about 2 more weeks.” Waiting can be almost torture, but if you use your time well it can be worth it.
Take a deep breath. Make your choices and prepare yourself emotionally, mentally and spiritually for the adventure of a life time. It is going to be a wild ride and the best thing to do is prepare for the challenge. You may feel like this is an impossible task. How can you prepare? Here are a few practical things to help you. Each woman’s needs are unique and so there is no good formula to follow. I cannot guide you into an easy labor. In fact, easy labor is rare. You might be that mom that things just go so perfectly for, but it is always good to be prepared for a lot of …well…blood, sweat and tears! Be mentally prepared to do the hardest work of your life and try to mentally get the picture of a marathon runner. You’re about to do something so hard that you will think it is impossible. Only a true rock star can do what you’re about to do.
So how do you equip yourself for such a task?
- Trust your instincts. A mother’s intuition starts before birth and only grows with time. This means not only listening to your body’s needs, but your own emotional needs too. Don’t be a martyr, take time and energy to really care for your needs.
-Do not invite fear to the party! This is your big day and while hard or even bad things can happen, inviting your fears to feed on your big day will not help anything and can actually cause more pain and more stress for you! Hold those things in check. A great thing to do while you sit around waiting for labor to start is to prepare things that will inspire and encourage you when labor gets hard. Things like a picture of your baby, a proverb or verse that speaks to you, songs and birth affirmations. Take the time to plan these out. You may not use them in labor at all, but they could be just the ticket to get you over those hurdles that intimidate you the most. Start instilling a can-do attitude in yourself now. Don’t confuse this with the often mistaken attitude that it will be easy because I’m having a good outlook. It will likely be hard, but you can do hard things. Sometimes fears stem from past experiences that we would never guess are connected to our births. You may need to take the time to list your fears and track where they are coming from. It might be appropriate to burn your list once you've gotten down a little more into the root problems.
-Make a birth plan and talk it over with your birth team (doctor, midwife, doula, spouse, friends, etc.). Try not to get all crazy-detailed with this. Tips for a great birth plan include: bullet points, one page, positive wording. You don’t want to find out that your doctor always does an episiotomy as he/she is cutting one – talk out all the details and be willing to move on to someone that’s supportive. This can be very hard emotionally, but a good bedside manner is not the same as real support. Find out before labor starts exactly where your care provider stands on things that matter to you.
-Check on the position of your baby. A lot of moms these days have what is called “back labor” or a “sunny-side-up” baby. These can be much slower and more intense. A great website for this is www.Spinningbabies.com . This website is dedicated to helping moms get their babies into a great birth position. Along with this, I often have moms see a chiropractor. If your baby is sunny side up (OP), breech or transverse a good chiropractor can often help you correct the problem before labor starts. Also, using a birth ball (exercise ball) to sit on during meals and when watching TV can help with this.
-Things that can indicate you’re about to start real labor can be a burst of energy or an energy crash. A sudden increase in discharge is also common. You might get some blood streaks and large amounts of mucus or just a lot of fluid. Abdominal cramps and loose stool can be a sign of labor’s dawn. Nausea, throwing up, strange food cravings…these can all happen. Sudden shifts in mood are often common for pre and early labor. A surge of new hormones can make one mom very energetic and can depress another.
-Talk openly about your fears, worries and needs. Those supporting you may not remember that you really get bad headaches when you’re stressing…remind them to keep their eyes open for your signs of stress. Common things are: neck pain, jaw tension, hunched shoulders, clenched fists, eyes shut very tight, breathing very fast or holding the breath a long time, disconnecting emotionally (seeming calm but panicked on the inside), etc. If you have particular triggers that you’re worried about please be sure to talk those over too. Your whole birth team does need to know if you have been through any kind of abuse. They don’t need details, but a little information can help them avoid pushing you into trauma memories.
-Your birth is not going to be like anyone else’s. Like a finger print, your birth is going to be unique and no one can tell you it has to be done their way. Don’t let anyone belittle your plans or put you on the path to self-doubt. Choose wisely what is best for you and your baby.
-Breath.
You can visit Rebecca's website at
http://gentlehandsdoulaservices.webs.com
