Guest Post Cheryl- Tips from a Mom of 5

Thoughts on Childbirth
by a Mama of 5.

I'm so excited to guest post on Kellie's super cool, super popular, super baby lovin' blog! I have had 5 home births with midwives and teach Birth Boot Camp childbirth education classes as well as breastfeeding classes. I've had lots of time to think about my births, hear birth stories, experiences, fears, and questions over the years and here's a short (sorta!) list of my thoughts and things I'd like to share with first time moms or moms who want a different experience the second, third, or more time around. I love birth, every part of it. It's such a powerful time in a woman's life and I love to see women embrace it and transform themselves into beautiful birthing goddesses.

1. When I was 18 I was an EMT and we learned about emergency childbirth. (I hoped I'd never be called to one of these because I saw those videos in health class and holy moly, gross! Ironic now, I know!) Our instructor told us that attendants don't deliver babies, women do. I've always been a little confused by common terminology “so and so delivered my baby”. Moms, we deliver babies! We do all the work! We push human beings out of our bodies! Of course, under the experienced and watchful eye of a midwife or doctor. No one can do it for us, we have to do it and it's an experience that is life changing. You're birth will affect you one way or the other. ... which leads me into the rest of my awesome list...
   
   
2. We rock.
   
   
3. Birth is hard work. I remember being very pregnant with my first baby and telling my mother in law that I feel like I am preparing for the hardest work I've ever done. I was right. I had prepared my body and my mind for this work. It was challenging but the reward was incredible. A baby. I brought a baby into this world. Just me and my own body. I had an amazing birth team but they didn't do it for me. I did it and I rocked it. And it's ok to say that about yourself. Say it often because you were amazing.
   
   
4. You have to prepare. You have to know what to expect. It takes so much of the fear away and makes it an experience you can look forward to and even *gasp* enjoy.
   
   
5. Pregnancy is a very short period of time, spend it well. Eat well, exercise, take a childbirth class, read, talk to other moms, soak in everything you can. This is a big event. Bigger than your than your graduation, bigger than your wedding, and even bigger than planning your nursery. Spend this time preparing your body and mind. You will be so glad that you did.
   
   
6. We need support. We need people around us that believe in us and our ability to birth a baby. . Build a team of people who care for you and want to help you have the birth you envision.
   
   
7. There are few things sweeter in this life than watching a husband and wife working together to bring their baby in this world. His support, sweet words, and strong self and her opening herself up, completely vulnerable to the process. So beautiful. It is my favorite part of teaching and attending births. I love having my husband close to me during labor, stroking my hair, telling me I'm awesome.
   
   
8. The only thing sweeter than #4 is watching the raw emotion of a mom as she pulls her baby to her chest and meets this little person for the first time. Suddenly the hours of work melt away along with your heart as you realize you love this person more than you ever knew possible.
9. Birth #5 was my hardest. It was twice as long as baby #4 and his position was a little wonky (technical term, you know.) which made it longer and harder. After this birth I remember thinking “I knew childbirth was hard work but seriously, any woman who does this, however it may have ended...short, long, interventions, c-section, whatever....we are amazing. It is amazing to bring a baby into this world. Amazing and rewarding and hard and hopefully a great experience.” I still think this. His birth brought this to light in a new way for me. We are awesome, mamas. Truly.
   
   
10. Education is key. The newest childbirth education is Birth Boot Camp. It is comprehensive and modern education for this generation. It's awesome!
    
    
    I want every woman to be given to opportunity to have a great birth. I love birth. Every part of it. We are amazing.    ~Cheryl
    

    
    
    

    

From Beau- the Father’s perspective

Kellie asked for post from the Father’s perspective on the birth of our son Callan so here’s my story. 

However, before the actual birth, it is important to cover a little info about the fun pregnancy period.  Guys, during this time the woman’s hormones are all jacked up so beware!  

• You will annoy her.  
• She will have a million ideas (99% not implemented, just ideas). 
• Her mind will change often & this will drive you crazy.  
• The smell of your delicious bbq you have slaved over in the backyard all day may make her nauseous.
• Be very careful if you feel the need to answer “no” because this could result in the battlefield cannons going off! 

In summary, do not talk as much because your verbiage will be dissected.  Have a beer outside with the dogs to give her some quiet time but check in every once in a while to make sure she knows you’re there if she needs you and you should be good.  Taking care of the dishes and cleaning the toilets never hurts either.

Now to the birth itself.  She covered the events perfectly in her post.  What really blew my mind was how well she handled it all.  Zero tears.  Zero screaming.  Zero complaining.  Just focused on her role in what was occurring and finding the ultimate amount of relaxation possible as each minute passed for almost 24 hours.  We had the Bradley training so we knew the stages and I feel like that gave both of us piece of mind feeling like we were a little ahead of the game even though we’d never been through anything like this.  But the key, in my opinion, that helped Kellie the most was for me and Toni (midwife) to stay relatively quiet, positive, and relaxed.  That right there set the tone of the childbirth and allowed Kellie to mentally power through it.

A lot of time passed and the baby would not come, that’s when I got nervous.  Kellie was dog tired with hardly any strength left but still zero tears or screams.  Again, amazed by that.  I was relieved when 20 hours went by and we were heading to the hospital.  Kellie says she feels somewhat defeated but It was inevitable.  God’s plan.  Just how it was supposed to be.

The exact moment our boy was arriving I was fired up!!  The single most amazing thing I’ve ever experienced.  It was bottom of the 9^th, 2 outs, and Kellie knocked it out of the park with more grit than I’ve ever seen in a person.  Zero tears.  She held him for a while and then he got cleaned up.  He was pissed at the real world let me tell you!   Have some pictures to prove it.  I went out to the waiting area to show the parents but couldn’t stay too long cause I started to tear up in front of my dad & father in law and that wasn’t gonna happen.     

It puzzles me how much of a bad ass she was that day.  Zero tears.  Zero complaining.  Have never been so proud than I was on December 2^nd.

A note from a pregnant woman dissecting words (Kellie)- I dont know why it puzzled him, I'm pretty much ALWAYS a bad ass ;)

Callan's Birth Story

At 14 1/2 months pregnant (not really) you dont go ANYWHERE with out your phone.  Even taking a bath...so naturally I knew I was about to go into labor when I had accidentally kicked my cell phone in the tub trying to haul my ungraceful tank-like body out.  So, if you want to go into labor just drop your phone in a bath tub full of water. Lose ALL of your contacts, and be unable to contact anyone you promised to keep updated when you go into labor.  I think this was a blessing in disguise to tell you the truth....

Me on my Due Date

Later that night,  about midnight,  I was lying in bed asleep when I heard the "click"! I can only describe it as a "click" inside my body. Instantly my eyes flew open, this was it! I was immediately flooded with emotions, excitement, fear. What a weird feeling to not know what the next 24 hours were gonna bring....only that Beau and I would finally get to hold the little person we made together.  I got up to use the restroom and after an abnormal extended amount of time it became obvious that my water had broke...obvious later that is...it makes me laugh now, but at that moment I was very confused and uncertain as to if my water broke or if I just REALLY had to go to the bathroom.  I guess I was in a little shock, I would look in the toilet and sit back down, look in the toilet and sit back down.  I remained confused as to what to do next....Do I wake up Beau? Do I call my Midwife Toni? Am I ever going to be able to get off this toilet?? And then I thought to myself, oh wait...I need contractions, where are the contractions?? I started to worry, but not for long...oh they came.

only 11 days overdue

 I woke Beau up to tell him the news, but told him to go back to sleep, which he did- no problem, was snoring 5 seconds later. I stole Beau's phone and texted Toni just to give her a heads up and she told me to keep her posted.  I laid on my side and started to labor, and timing my contractions with a handy dandy iphone app. I wanted to go back to sleep, but it wasn't happening.  I was laboring along like a champ and if it got too overwhelming I would nudge Beau and say "help" and he would stoke my hair, tell me what a great job I was doing, rub my shoulders. When he got me back in the right frame of mind and relaxed I would say "ok" and he had my permission to go back to sleep...until the next nudge.  That was our system for several hours, I just stayed relaxed as possible, keeping my mind focused and clear to what the goal was, and using my Bradley Method of Natural Birth Training.

We contacted Toni when the contractions got closer together and she arrived at our house around 8am, as did Cheryl who is her assistant and was my Bradley Instructor.  Toni checked me and I was dilated to an 8! All was going perfect!  Too good, as a matter of fact...

The next hour or two I still continued to dilate and was starting to have the urge to push. When Toni checked me though she felt a tiny little lip of my cervix being pulled down by the baby's head, so she didn't want me to push just yet.  I continued to labor and contract and not push....she would check me and that lip would still be there....second verse same as the first- this continued for HOURS, but I held strong and kept myself  "in the zone". While laboring I never looked at the clock, I mostly kept my eyes closed. I was very much focused, quiet and internal.  The only time I realized exactly how many hours had passed was when I looked at the window and noticed the lighting, the sun was starting to go down.

Finally, Toni gave me the okay to start pushing, about 4:30 in the afternoon, so I pushed lying on the bed, I pushed on all fours, I pushed on the birthing ball, I pushed on the birthing stool, then back on the bed I pushed some more....I pushed on my side, on my back, squatting.  Nothing. My arms were tired, my legs were tired, and I was tired.  This is the point where I got very frustrated and wanted to cry. It was like I had missed my window of opportunity. My contractions were dwindling and becoming further apart. After pushing for nearly 4 hours, Toni suggested we go to the hospital and in defeat I agreed. As Beau was getting our things together Toni called ahead and gave the hospital our info and told them we were on our way. She then called Dr. Weslei Rice, who works with Toni's patients when needed and who I had seen a couple of times during my pregnancy.  I liked Dr. Rice and I knew she was pro-natural, so I was very thankful that she was on-call and agreed to come in for me.  I knew Dr. Rice would give me at least a fighting chance to avoid a C-section, slim chance for a woman of my stats- 42 weeks pregnant already in 20+ hours of labor.....

We left my house around 8pm, and while Toni drove us there I continued to have some contractions on the way. I would like to note at this point that the baby was never in danger or distress, his heart rate was normal through the entire labor. His safety was never in question and that was never an issue when deciding to go to the hospital.  So many people had so many opinions about me having a home birth that I wanted to make sure it was clear that Callan was just fine.  I was just exhausted. Want to really test your athleticism, have a baby.  

We arrived at the hospital at 9pm or so, and at that point I had been in labor for 21 hours. The clock was ticking for me to have this baby, when your water breaks the timer starts and you get 24 hours to have your baby due to the risk of infection.

We got to our room and got all set up and they started the Pitocin. I was very nervous about this as you probably realize I would be....I had heard what Pitocin can do and it doesn't play around.  I was still adamant about minimal interventions but knew I was losing my bargaining power by the minute since we were on the timer.  My nurse, Carrie, I liked her...that was a plus.  She had a little sass to her and she got my sense of humor, as you can imagine how delirious I was at that point.  I handled the Pitocin well I guess because I never needed the epidural, but it felt like my body would involuntary curl up at each contraction.  These contractions felt nothing like my previous ones earlier that day, these had some power to them... Dr. Rice showed up and we were ready to go, the Pitocin train had started and there was no stopping it!

Thankfully not this vacuum

Now this is the part of the story where I think I failed myself.  Dr. Rice had suggested doing a vacuum extraction to get him out in 2 pushes. Now, what she said and what I heard were two very different things.  I heard her say with the vacuum  I only have to push twice and I don't think I heard anything more....I get to be done in two pushes, hells yes!!  Now, what she actually said was I only get to push twice, after that it was straight to C-section.  If I could do it over I would have tried with out the vacuum first.  That vacuum was painful....and I had zero pain meds mind you.  So with my very excited and awesome coach Beau on one side and Toni on the other I pushed with all my might! Seriously, my husband's excitement, energy, and encouragement was my driving force.  Catching my breath in between the pushes, the baby's head was on some kind of nerve that made my left leg seize up, oh man that was painful, that gave me more motivation on the second push and we got that big boy out, at 12:18am...24 hours.

Before anything else that baby was handed to me and on my chest, all 9.8lbs, 21 1/2 inches and a head full of dark brown hair.  We did delayed cord clamping and Beau cut the cord. I wish I had a picture of that moment when I was done and my little man was in my arms, there are no words, its indescribable. One of the most important and life changing moments in my life.  I know getting married is a big milestone, but I might have to say that bringing a life into this world is an even bigger milestone!  Imagine how birth would be if we took such great care in planning the details and making the personalized arrangements for our the birth of our children as we do planning a wedding! The food, music, candle lights, photographer, attendants, 
attire...ah here I am with my crazy talk, lol.

Things I learned: 
So back to the part where I said I failed myself,  I only really halfway mean that.  I was beyond exhausted so I cant blame myself for making that choice at the time, but I really wish I would have just tried with the pitocin first and then see if I needed more help.  I learned a very important lesson with that though, while your are in labor is not the best time to make rash decisions like I did about using a tool I knew basically nothing about, you & your spouse really need to be informed about that BEFORE you are in labor...if you can help it...That vacuum and the forcefulness of only having the 2 pushes to get out a baby left me a long road for recovery.

The dumbest question you can ask when a Doctor brings up a suggestion/procedure is "Is it safe?" the answer is yes, of course they think it is or they wouldn't have brought it up! Better questions are "What are the risks for me?" AND "What are the risks for the baby?"- and ideally this should be something you already know, have an educated opinion on, and the good Doc is just refreshing your memory.

In the end you know I'd be lying if I said I wasnt a little heartbroken that I didnt get my home birth, but I know that this was Gods plan for me.   My experience was a beautiful one at home and in the hospital.  

1 day old

3 days old.  Everyone always commented on how "alert" he was!

Read My Husband Beau's point of view on the birth of our son!!