Natalie's Birth Story of Slade

Hey all! Yes I am surviving, 2 under 2 isn't the 24/7 chaos I expected, but that's only because of my awesome Mother and Mother in Law....seriously...it takes a village....but that's another post for another day. 

I want you to check out my friend Natalie's' birth story of Slade.  Natalie and I were due 5 days apart and we bonded over both being big ol' preggers and mothers of 2 boys.  She ended up giving birth the day after my due date and I gave birth the day after hers....funny how things work out, lol.

Please check out her story and her awesome blog!

http://www.theshadyacre.com/

Toodles,

Kellie

Guest Post: Cheryl's Miscarriage

4 Things I Learned from my Miscarriage

**I want to start by saying, this was my experience with a miscarriage.  Your experience may have been different or what you learned or needed during your grieving process may have been different and that's ok.  We can learn from each other and comfort each other and that is the purpose of this post.**

 I woke my husband up early that morning with a kiss and an excited “it's positive!” I was thrilled to be pregnant with my fifth baby. Soon enough, I had all the good, healthy pregnancy signs that put me in bed feeling like death. Life was good. My first prenatal appointment with my midwife was perfect. Baby sounded good, I didn't pass out when she took my blood, I managed to pee in the cup without a mess, all good stuff. Then I went back for my second prenatal and we couldn't find a heartbeat. At first I didn't really worry. I'm sure baby was there just in a funky place that the doppler couldn't pick up. She told me she could try again the next day or I could go get an ultrasound to just check on things. We tried again the next day, still nothing so I made the appointment with the ultrasound tech that confirmed we lost the baby. It was the hardest moment of my life. That was almost two years ago. I have since had another baby but am still part of this club that isn't talked about much. There are four things I learned having gone through a miscarriage.

1. The loss of a pregnancy (no matter how early) can be devastating, take time to grieve.
   I was surprised by the amount of grief I experienced. I couldn't believe the amount of tears I cried for this little person I never got to truly meet. I loved him and my heart ached to hold him and carry him in my belly once again. I was allowed to cry, yell, sleep, be alone, talk, whatever I needed to get through this tough time. I was loved on. I thought that I would be expected to just get on with life but I knew that was impossible and I wondered if I would ever be able to move on. It took time but as the weeks passed, I cried less. Even today, I miss my baby and look forward to the day I get to hold him and kiss him. So, mamas, take your time. There's no rush in grieving.

2. Find a friend and talk about it if that helps you.
   I wanted to talk about what happened. It helped me process it. I talked through my story with several trusted friends but one friend in particular, who had several miscarriages herself , spent many hours crying, praying, talking, and sitting in silence with me. Find this friend, if possible. I was actually surprised by how many women whispered “me, too” when I told them I had a miscarriage. We are in this together, friends, find a mama who relate and let them cry with you, talk with you, hug you, and pray for you. You need it. You don't have to suffer alone. Let the people close to you know what you need. Don't be afraid to ask for help. It doesn't mean you're weak, it means you are a grieving mama and you deserve help and to be loved on.

3. Getting pregnant again doesn't replace the baby you lost or “cure” your grief.
   When I got pregnant again five months after my miscarriage I expected to be healed. I was surprised when I found myself still crying or just still sad for my baby in heaven. This new baby whom I love dearly, my rainbow baby, does not replace the one I lost. I think I will always mourn his loss, mourn the baby that I never got to mother and that's ok.

4. People don't know what to say, forgive them.
   I was actually fairly lucky in this respect. I've heard some of the well meaning but hurtful lines said to mothers mourning a loss. Likely this is said by someone who has never had a miscarriage or lost a baby, so forgive them. I cringe to think I was among those well meaning people before my loss, I pray I have the right words now. For me, the most hurtful thing was my baby not being acknowledged. We had a family holiday about a month after the miscarriage and I so badly wanted someone to come to me and acknowledge his life, death, and my broken heart. I know they felt awkward and didn't want to hurt me, I understand that and I forgive them.

Mamas, if you are reading this after a loss of your own, I'm so very sorry. I know how your heart aches and whole body yearns to hold that sweet little baby. I pray for hope and healing for you. You are not alone in this. It's not a club I wanted to be in but I hope I am now able comfort a grieving mother. Much love and hugs to you, sweet mama. Your baby is waiting for you and you'll be together again.

There is a website that I wish I had known about after my miscarriage that may help you during your journey.  www.stillbirthday.com  I hope you are able to find the information and/or comfort your are looking for and needing.

 Many blessings to you,

Cheryl

- See more at: http://www.darlingbirth.com/blog

Dear Husbands

At one point (or more) in your pregnancy there might be tension between you and your spouse.  I found that to be true at the very end of the pregnancy as we were patiently(Lol) waiting for our baby to be born...... we were both getting more and more frustrated with each other until I wrote this.....feel free to give it to your husbands, it really helped me and my husband get back on track. ~Kellie

Dear Husbands,

Pregnancy is not easy on anyone is it?  The woman you knew as your wife is now a ball of hormones, wearing your ring.  Its hard to know the right thing to say or do, you don't feel appreciated for the extra duties you've taken on around the house and with the other kid(s), and sometimes its hard to feel the love.  Unfortunately for you, when dealing with a ball of hormones you've got to be bigger and stronger. What ever you do...don't feed the beast!  As your role of the supportive Husband, you need to lift her up and show her love...even when it might be incredibly difficult. One minute she is smiling and the next she is in tears and biting your head off...choose to forgive her and show her love.... give her a kiss, and a hug and simply tell her you love her.  Remember that she is not herself right now and try to remember what she is enduring as well-  Her world has completely changed, she is the protector of this little being you created together and that's a lot of pressure.  Her body has completely changed and will continue to do so, making everyday tasks uncomfortable and difficult which can be very frustrating. She is not getting much sleep at night.  You, as the Husband, cant possibly understand what she is going through and that might make her feel isolated and alone...your presence, support and affection is still very much needed even though you might not feel like it is.

I understand it must be frustrating to come home and there she is, again, laying on the couch....must be nice. But what she's really doing is trying to ease her back pain and avoid taking any pills that could harm your baby, so maybe cut her some slack.  And know the closer she gets to having your baby, the more important it is for you to be forgiving, supportive, loving and her source of strength. The end of a pregnancy can be a very emotional, frustrating, and lonely time for a woman, and as the Husband you can choose to make it easier or harder for you both. Please remember 2 things, 1- This is only temporary. 2- When you don't know what to do: kiss her, hug her and tell her you love her...that's it.

Love,
Your pregnant Wife